Clod was jester to Elizabeth I (r. 1558-1603), and he puns on his own name as part of an elaborate wheeze to talk the queen out of riding in the rain, which none of her attendants felt like doing. This is a good example of the interventions jesters could make, and be asked to make, on behalf of courtiers and others, to change royal behaviour.
However, his joke roped in two other worthies, revealing the perennial problem with jesting: you can’t be sure how well the butt of the joke might take it. This is an unusual instance of someone being hurt by what appears quite innocent mockery, to the extent it may have hastened his death. Even the fact that the jester preceded his remark with a self-abasing comment didn’t mitigate the effect.
Yet was Doctor Perne himself at last heart-broken with a jest, as I have been most credibly informed from excellent hands, on this occasion. He was at court with his pupil Archbishop Whitgift in a rainy afternoon, when the queen was, I dare not say wilfully, but really resolved to ride abroad, contrary to the mind of her ladies, who were on horseback (coaches as yet being not common) to attend her. Now one Clod the queen’s jester was employed by the courtiers to laugh the queen out of so inconvenient a journey. “Heaven,” saith he, “Madam, dissuades you, it is cold and wet; and earth dissuades you, it is moist and dirty. Heaven dissuades you, this heavenly-minded man Archbishop Whitgift; and earth dissuades you, your fool Clod, such a lump of clay as myself. And if neither will prevail with you, here is one that is neither heaven nor earth, but hangs betwixt both, Doctor Perne, and he also dissuades you.” Hereat the queen and courtiers laughed heartily, whilst the Doctor looked sadly and, going over with his grace to Lambeth, soon saw the last of his life.
I haven’t come across this anecdote elsewhere except in a book published in 1792, quoting the same source with slight differences to the wording, as seen below.
Fuller …. tells an extraordinary story relating to Dr. Perne’s death, which he attributes to the mortification he received from a jest passed upon him by the Queen’s fool:—The Doctor was at court one day with Archbishop Whitgist, who had been his pupil. The afternoon was rainy, yet the Queen was resolved to ride abroad, contrary to the inclination of the ladies of the court, who were to attend her on horseback. They employed Clod, therefore, the Queen’s jester, to dissuade her majesty from so inconvenient a journey. Clod readily undertook the task, and addressed her majesty thus:—”Heaven dissuades you, it is cold and wet; “earth dissuades you, it is moist and dirty. Heaven dissuades you, this heavenly-minded man Archbishop Whitgist; and earth dissuades you, your fool Clod, such a lump of clay as myself; and if neither will prevail, here is one who is neither heaven nor earth but hangs between both, Dr. Perne, and he also dissuades you.” “Hereat, says Fuller, the Queen and the courtiers laughed heartily, whilst the Doctor looked sadly; and going over with his Grace to Lambeth, soon died.”
Andrew Perne (c. 1519-89) was known to be a religious weather vane, turning whichever way the wind blew, Protestant or Catholic. An often turned coat was even said to have been ‘perned’. See this brief bio, which also tells us that Perne’s detractors believed Whitgift had once been his lover – Perne in old age lived with the Archbishop at Lambeth Palace.
With thanks to Jessica Milner Davis for pointing me to this additional background.
Sources: Thomas Fuller, The Worthies of England (1662), John Freeman, ed. (London: George Allen and Unwin, 1952), p. 413; Daniel Lysons, ‘Lambeth’, in The Environs of London: Volume 1, County of Surrey (London: T. Cadell and W. Davies, 1792), pp. 257-331.
Image credit: ‘Peter II and Princess Elizabeth Petrovna Riding to Hounds’ (1900), Valentin Serov; Russian Museum, Saint Petersburg. Yes, I know this is the ‘wrong’ Elizabeth, but it has the exuberance and skill which Elizabeth I might have brought to her riding, and the stormy clouds which in the account above lead the jester to dissuade her from taking the reins.
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